More Oneness… Every Week

by | Mar 7, 2023 | Communication, Marriage

How to Have a Weekly Marriage Meeting

A Weekend Getaway can help you reconnect, reevaluate your relationship and make some mid-course corrections but it’s not enough to keep you growing in oneness over the long term. Why not start a weekly marriage meeting? A lot of couples find it keeps them on track with their commitments and goals and helps them stay connected relationally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Here’s a suggested format from marriage therapist Marcia Naomi Berger. The 30-minute meeting has four parts:

1. Appreciation
Creates a culture in your home where you are continuously looking to catch each other doing good.

2. Tasks and To-Dos
Clarity on who’s doing what when it comes to household/parenting tasks

3. Fun
Schedule date nights, as well as individual and family activities

4. Problems/Challenges
The suggestion is to raise a maximum of two issues per meeting

If prayer is part of your life, that would be a great way to end the meeting! Pray for your marriage, your family and any issues that have come up during the meeting. We suggest you don’t bring up huge issues in your first few meetings. It’s better to deal with small things first and build a sense of safety and trust. The meetings might feel a bit contrived the first few times, but it will become second nature. You’ll start to look forward to the time together and the oneness that results. Consider it your weekly refuelling stop!

Here are some of Berger’s guidelines:
• Meet weekly.
• Just the two of you. No kids for this meeting.
• Minimize distractions and interruptions.
• Sit side by side instead of across a table which can feel a bit confrontational.
• Bring your calendars, organizational devices and apps.
• Come with an upbeat, positive attitude.
• Allow both partners to feel ownership. The more verbal partner should make sure the
other gets equal “air time”. Jot down things throughout the week you’d like to put on the “agenda.”
• Keep the meeting to 30 minutes. Don’t get bogged down on one topic for longer than 15 minutes. If it needs more discussion time, schedule a separate time to discuss it further or table it until next week’s meeting.

For more on the importance of having a weekly marriage meeting, read Marcia Naomi Berger’s book, Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted.