Just A Little Crush?

by | Apr 30, 2020 | Crisis & Repair, Marriage

Crushes… they seem so innocent: “Aw, a little crush.” Crushes are innocent, but only if you’re not committed to anyone else. If you are, and especially if you’re married, that “little crush” is dangerous. Not the “Ooo, I like dangerous” variety, but “warning bells, amber flashing lights and florescent pylons around an abyss that will leave you permanently scarred” dangerous. Allowing yourself to feed or maintain that little crush outside your marriage is a giant step to allowing your marriage to crumble. And I’m not being overly dramatic.

It’s not that you can’t have friends of the opposite gender once you’re married, but be oh-so careful about how much time you spend with them, and what you say and share with them. A dear girl friend of mine warned, “This is Satan’s greatest plot [to break marriages].”

The person you’re crushing on might be physically attractive, vibrant, funny, and come across as more understanding than your spouse. But the person you exchanged vows with is the one whom you’ve committed to join together with (flesh, heart, and soul). That covenant needs to be protected and prayed over daily.

The heart, because it is of sinful flesh, will be drawn towards its perceived “greener pastures.” Suddenly finding yourself attracted to someone other than your spouse isn’t wrong (or if you’re single, being attracted to a married person). Allowing that attraction to grow and toying with the fantasy of what life might look like with that person is wrong because you’re making that choice to stray, even if only in thought.

What to do then?

The first thing to do is to be honest and recognize those first feelings of attraction. Flag it right away and fight the temptation to imagine being with that person. Share this with a close friend of the same gender to keep you accountable and to pray together. (Skeletons don’t accumulate in the closet and later crash on you if you keep cleaning them out.)

While you’re asking God to deal with the feelings and set things right again, ensure you’re taking the precautions to minimize/eliminate whatever interactions you have with the “little crush” that might feed the infatuation. If that means you cold shoulder that person for a few months, then do it. Squashing a potential friendship is far better than ruining your marriage. And if it’s an office crush, do what you can to maintain professionalism, and resign if you need to. It’s worth it for your marriage.