FamilyLife Blog

5 Steps to Writing Your Spouse a Love Letter

by | Feb 3, 2022 | Communication, Emotional Intimacy, Marriage

Anyone can write a great love letter. Yes, even you. You may be thinking, “I’m not creative. I can’t write. I don’t know what to say.” Reading this article shows you believe your partner is worth the effort. Well done for exploring and wanting to learn! So what now? 

1. Just Start

Write rough drafts — and I mean rough. Simply begin to write down your thoughts about your partner. Don’t worry about your writing being any good. Just start. (Did you notice I said drafts with an “s”?) Grab a notebook, scrap paper, or your electronic device. Write your thoughts, cross them out, write more, change it. You’ll write some poor material on your way to great stuff. Write, let it sit, write more, let it sit. Take your time. 

2. The Elements

The Greeting:
Instead of “Dear…”, make it more personal and unique to you. Write, “To my best friend,” or “To my forever love” or even “Hey Babe.” Use a pet name or terms of endearment. Even if you simply drop the “Dear” and just use their name, it is better.

The Opening:
Tell them the reason you are writing. If you’re not in the habit of writing love notes, your partner may wonder what your motivation is. They could even suspect you’ve written something negative. Consider opening with something like, “I wanted to express how much you mean to me” or “I wanted to share how much I love and appreciate you.”

The Body:
Include the ways in which your partner captures your heart. We will discuss more about how you can do this in the next section! It’s fine to be a little cheesy, but don’t go overboard.

The Closing:
Just like your greeting, make it more personal and unique to you. Instead of writing, “From” or “Love,” consider closing with, “Love you always,” “Your Forever Love,” “All my love,” or “My love for you keeps growing.”

3. Get Specific

In the body of your letter, include what you love and like about your partner. What makes them unique and sets them apart in your eyes? How have they made you better? Here are a few ideas:

  • Describe their character traits. Are they generous, caring, thoughtful, energetic? Are they curious, daring, loyal, creative, fun-loving? Is your partner considerate, reliable, playful, courageous, optimistic or encouraging? 
  • What physical traits do you enjoy in your partner? For example, their eyes, their smile, their voice, their laugh.
  • What do you admire about what they do? Make sure to include how their actions impact you. For example, “When you play with the kids it makes me smile and I love you all the more.” Or “Your gift of hospitality is fun to watch. I love the joy it brings you and others.” When you’re writing, use this phrasing to help guide you: “When you do ______, it makes me/I ______ .”
  • Recall and write down special memories. You have shared history and experiences that are worth remembering. “When I first met you…” “Remember our trip to…?” “Nothing could have prepared me for the time I lost my job, but you…” Focus on your partner and tell them how they impacted you during these times.

4. It’s OK to Steal Words!

“The bad artists imitate, the great artists steal.” — Picasso

In its essence, creativity is stealing from other thieves… so steal away. Use any of the ideas here or look at other places to spark your thoughts. Make it your own or give credit. “I read this line and it expresses how I feel about you.” Put in the line and credit the source.

5. As You Write, Keep in Mind the Following…

Focus. Make sure the letter is about your partner and not you. Also, focus on the positive. This is not a time to be critical.

Presentation. There is something special about putting pen to paper — in the digital age, receiving a handwritten letter is so personal. But if your partner can’t read your writing, typing it out may be a better way to go! Additionally, put some thought into your note’s design and the paper you use. Also, consider how you will give your partner your love letter. Will you read it out loud to them? Or give it to them on a special date? Will you mail it or place it somewhere for them to find? 

Length. Pick and choose what you would like to say. It could be a short note, a card or a letter. You don’t need to say everything. Save something for next time.

You are on your way to writing something beautiful and meaningful. Remember, your partner isn’t looking for perfection. They’re not expecting you to be a poet. They just want to hear from you — and your effort and willingness to give this gift says so much.