You be the judge of your sex life: Gold, Silver, Bronze or nowhere near the podium! With sex being such a hot topic, it made me wonder if couples really put effort into improving their sex life and how do you go about pursuing the “gold” in your sex life?

Men and women are so different in how they approach sex. My wife and I often share this at the marriage conferences we speak at:

How do you romance a woman?

June: “Wine her, dine her, call her, cuddle with her, surprise her, compliment her hair, shop with her, listen to her talk, buy flowers, hold her hand, write love letters, and be willing to go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.” That sounds about right; doesn’t it? Who wouldn’t want that kind of treatment?

Neal: Uhhh …. men.

June: How do you romance a man?

Neal: Arrive naked, bring food. Food is optional.

So what is the answer? Well, sex is not an exact science; it is more like trial and error than a step by step formula. It takes work but the practice sessions make it worth the effort! But you don’t want to stay having trials and making errors so I am going to make two simple yet effective suggestions.

  1. Schedule sex. Whoa! Isn’t sex supposed to be this serendipitous (great word) experience? Buddy if you wait for that to always be the setting then you are heading for a life of frustration. Scheduling sex handles a huge issue for men and women. Men don’t have to ask and women can prepare so they aren’t tired (tiredness is a major reason why women don’t want sex). Try it just for the fun of it!
  2. Talk about sex. There are two times you should talk about sex: when you are having sex and when you aren’t! Do you actually think what you have been doing for years is what your spouse enjoys? Unless you ask you may be way off in your own arrogant thinking about just how good you are. Oh and guys just a quick word of advice, what worked last time probably won’t work this time so make sure your have variety in your repertoire.

This is only a small sampling of how to go for the gold. What you need is someone who knows how to go for the gold in sex, communication, companionship and through conflict. Our FamilyLife speaker couples can give you so much more when you attend a Weekend Getaway Conference.

Sex can be one of the most intimate times when shared by a married couple who have made a choice to go for the gold. I’d give my sex life….. whoops, my wife just walked in so I better leave the medal part out, at least until later!

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Written by Neal Black

Neal Black

Neal works at Power to Change developing leaders. His passion is to challenge people to listen to God and develop their giftedness as they follow where Jesus leads. Neal and June speak at One Day events for FamilyLife. They love to communicate God’s game-plan for relationships with humour, energy and lots of stories!