More and more people are investing time and money in pornography. Billions of dollars are invested each year worldwide! With most investments the ROI, Return on Investment is considered. Let’s consider the ROI of porn in the context of a relationship.

So what does pornography bring to a relationship?

Unrealistic Expectations: The exploit is staged in the “perfect” setting to stimulate arousal. The roles are played by over endowed actors that represent a fraction of the population. Your current partner has little to no chance to meet the expectations. Reality cannot compete with airbrushed photos or perfect lighting and exact camera angles. Porn creates an appetite for something that does not exist in the real world. There is no chance of satisfaction. Which leads to the second thing porn brings to a relationship…

Dissatisfaction: When the mental picture you have of any situation is not consistent with reality the result is dissatisfaction. This dissatisfaction could go in a couple different directions.

Isolations and Self Gratification: One direction motivated by dissatisfaction can be a retreat deeper into the artificial world of porn. This is accompanied with a greater level of fantasy and self gratification through masturbation.

Restless Opportunism: Another direction dissatisfaction can head is toward seeking out in the physical world what is portrayed digitally. This restlessness looks for opportunities to experiment with new levels of gratification within existing relationship or with a new relationship. This becomes a vicious cycle that creates an insatiable appetite that wants more; leading to affairs, prostitution or sexual violence.

ROI in pornography leads to relational and sexual bankruptcy! Pornography brings nothing good to the relationship. People become the objects of sexual gratification, this destroys intimacy. The practice and mind set created will eventually destroy your relationships. Paradoxically, it can and does seriously hamper normal sexual satisfaction in the long run, because of the destroyed intimacy.

Suggestions for Porn users: STOP. Easier said than done! Here are some practical steps.

1. Decide WHY you want to stop. List the positive reasons and results. Create a Clear Mental Picture

2. Play the film forward. Where would continued involvement lead? Do you like the destination?

3. Tell someone what’s going on and that you would like to stop. Begin Accountability, (NOT with your spouse that is WAY too much pressure on your relationship.)

4. Develop a Plan. What steps will you take and what do you want the other person to do to keep you accountable. Plan could include:

Computer soft ware linked to your accountability partner.


Decide how the accountability will work.

Can you call at anytime? (Clarify anytime, 3:00 a.m.?)

How often will you check in with your accountability partner?

Add your own unique step to your plan

5. If that does not work then seek out a Porn Addition/Accountability program.

6. Spiritual Foundations: God provides a foundation of forgiveness and love that can fill deep longing for fulfillment and love. To read more about spiritual foundations: Article

Written by Mike Woodard

Mike Woodard

Mike is married to Karen, he is father of 4 and grandfather of 2. Backpacking is his favourite past time. Science and theology are his educational background, a biology degree from Central Michigan University and a master’s degree in Christian Studies from Trinity Western Seminary. Mike is the Associate Director of FamilyLife Canada. For more of his story visit