We see it everywhere we go. Heads are down:

  • at a red light behind the wheel
  • in the mall, avoiding others
  • at restaurants, even on dates
  • on campus, heads are down – regardless of peers walking in step

We communicate… but are we connecting? Eye contact and body language are very effective human connectors, even without words. A quick glance can say a lot, from

“That was cute” to,

“You are sooo in trouble!”

Recently in pre-marital counselling, I asked a simple question; “Marc – when you and Emma are having a conversation and your phone buzzes, do you pick it up and respond?”

Marc knew the answer; he confidently said, “Yes, that‘s what we usually do. It would be rude not to.”

The look in Emma’s eyes prompted me to ask her thoughts. The ensuing conversation was very enlightening for everyone! Marc’s response, while accurate, was not Emma’s desire. She often felt technology was a higher priority.

Marc was surprised, since he felt that he paid attention to Emma (for the most part), making her the priority. The problem was he hadn’t connected with Emma to understand how she felt. This struggle is common, and it often results from each person’s uniqueness. One size doesn’t fit all, especially when it comes to connecting and ensuring the other person feels they are the priority.

So why didn’t Emma share this with Marc? It felt awkward and there didn’t seem to ever be a good time.

Does this sound familiar? Do you find it awkward to start a discussion about your digital priorities?

Why not ask your spouse today, “Do I ever cause you to feel second place to my phone?” See what he or she says and be ready to talk it through.

Related Posts:

When Technology Sucks the Life Out of a Family

Parents: Some Things You Need to Know About Technology and Pornography

Written by Neal Black

Neal Black

Neal works at Power to Change developing leaders. His passion is to challenge people to listen to God and develop their giftedness as they follow where Jesus leads. Neal and June speak at One Day events for FamilyLife. They love to communicate God’s game-plan for relationships with humour, energy and lots of stories!