At our core, we all have a desire to know we are believed in. It is a point of tension in all of us, directly impacting what our lives end up looking like. And although we often want to take full responsibility for our own outcomes, a good life can almost always be traced back to the ones behind us. The people who’ve cheered us on.

In this way, it’s clear we were made to need each other.

As a wife, I think about my husbands story, and realize I want to be this kind of person in his life. The crucial sort, the sort who believes in him, cheers him on.

No one has the ability to effect a person like their spouse. Marriage relationships are far more intimate than any other and this gives us the ability to believe in someone day after day, taking each step with them, cheering them on in each aspect of the journey. Marriage lets us walk safely in the knowledge that we were already chosen, and yet gives us the responsibility to actively choose everyday, because of the life long commitment that we made. It is an opportunity like nothing else, and yet so often in my short two year marriage I have already lost so many of these opportunities. So here is to living intentionally, knowing that I have the ability to effect my husbands heart, and the outcome of his life.

Here are some things I commit to convincing my husband of throughout our life together.

I want my husband to know I dig his personality

There are things I get to see in my husband which no other person sees as fully as I do. He feels safer with me and I want him to know how extremely lucky I feel to know him so intimately. It’s important for him to understand the more I know him, the more I fall madly for him. He’s a little goofier with me, and through our time together I’ve seen him open up a little more of his goofy side in public. I know my husband grows in confidence the more I convince him how awesome I think his personality is. It is a huge honor as his wife, but man, I never want to forget what a huge and important opportunity it is.

I want my husband to know I don’t question his character

Marriage becomes tricky when we get upset with the actions of our spouse. I’ve learned the hard way, it’s important to separate my husband’s actions from what I believe about his character. He may not always walk in love towards me, but my husband loves me. When I make my husband’s actions one with his character I set him up for failure. Sometimes, our actions just don’t line up with what we truly believe or who we want to be. I do this just as much as my man does, and yet, I often choose to believe the worst in him. It is so important for my husband to know, with certainty, I believe he is an honest, loving, and intelligent man. Even, maybe especially, when his actions don’t line up.

I want my husband to know I desire him sexually

One of the best things is seeing how impacted my husband is when he knows I think he’s sexy. It’s like he becomes radically inspired and more confident. In all actuality my husband, just like most men, can be filled with insecurity. It’s common that male insecurity is interlaced with their “manhood” which can be interlaced with sex and sexuality. We believe in monogamy, my husband and I – one man and one women in sexual communion for all our life. I want him to know that he is more than enough for me, sexually. That I am satisfied and loved by who he is.

I want my husband to know I appreciate his provision for our fam

I recently attended a wedding where I was reminded of the weight a man carries for his family. It is just in him – a need to protect, guide, and provide. The weight of my life, happiness, and provision innately means the world to him. Every action a husband does, each day in his career, every decision he makes that affects me, these things are weighty to him. He holds these things high because he holds his devotion to me high. I want him to know he is so appreciated and respected for the work he does with his family in mind.

I want my husband to know I see the image of God in him

This is most important. I want my husband to know I see the outworkings of Jesus in his life and in his actions. I see it in how he looks at me, cares for me deeply, and touches the lives of those around him. It is important for me to acknowledge God’s working in his life in ways my husband cannot do on his own accord, and for him to know I am drawn to my God through the picture my husband holds of Him. It is so important my husband knows the Spirit of God within him and that I see it too.


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Written by Jill Moran

Jill Moran

Jill is a Raggamuffin, wife, speaker, blogger, barista, and most importantly, Abba’s beloved girl, because none of that other stuff is, “enough”. Jill’s got a giant, exploding, desire for a depth of vulnerability and grace for believers and for a Church that is a safe place to become, “emotionally healthy Jesus lovers”. Learn more by visiting her cool website!