Because many of us feel responsible for the loss, we often don’t feel we deserve to grieve. But the truth is, we do deserve to grieve, even more, we need to grieve. In fact God grieves right along with us.  For many years I believed that God was the one who was heaping shame on me. I was certain He was disappointed with me, and no matter how many times I asked for forgiveness, I still had shame. But as I allowed God to heal me, I discovered that He did not see me the way I saw myself, the way the enemy tried to make me feel.

We need to use God’s Word to expose the lies we’ve ingrained about sex. We’ve all been contaminated by the world’s view of sex. Whether from media, others, pornography or sexual wounding, the enemy wants to pervert this holy gift of sex and keep us from experiencing the beauty God intended for us in marriage.

The greatest book on sex, love and marriage is in the bible. The Song of Songs written by King Solomon is God’s instruction book to guide us to His gift of marital love and sex. I encourage those in need of healing to read through this book several times, along with some great Christian commentators on the subject and let God’s truth expose the lies they’ve ingrained from your past.

God used this book to heal me from the damaged view of sex and men I’d brought into my marriage. My first sexual experience was not wanted and left me feeling humiliated, used and vulnerable. I didn’t realize until I went through my own healing that this negative view of myself, men and sex had followed me into marriage, keeping me from enjoying physical and emotional intimacy with my husband.

In fact, I viewed my husband in the same negative way as all the other men who’d used me. But as God exposed my lies, healed my wounds, and showered me with His truth, my view of sex and men changed. As God healed me, He healed my view of sex too. And the best part, it brought healing to my marriage, allowing me to enjoy the sexual and emotional intimacy I longed for with my husband.

Are you ready for the next step? Return to the main article for more information, the next exercise and four books that can help you on your way.


Written by Barbara Wilson Psy.D.

Barbara Wilson Psy.D.

Barbara Wilson is the founder of Freedom Bound Communications, a ministry that brings healing and hope to those with a sexual past. She speaks internationally, as well as on radio and television to youth and adults with her message of sexual bonding and healing. Released from a past of her own, Barbara shares her journey to healing in her books, The Invisible Bond: How to Break Free From Your Sexual Past and Kiss Me Again; Restoring Lost Intimacy In Marriage, (both published by Multnomah Waterbrook, a division of Random House Publications). Barbara has a doctorate in Clinical Psychology in order to equip her to further her work in the area of trauma recovery as well as the fight against sex-trafficking both locally and abroad. Having the opportunity to help those who’ve experienced trauma or abuse (including sexually-exploited women) process their pasts and reclaim their confidence and worth as well as their goals and dreams is a great passion for Barbara and something she hopes to continue to do in her future ministry.
Barbara and her husband are active members of multi-campus Bayside Covenant Church in Sacramento, California where she offers a bible study that leads men and women to God’s forgiving, healing power for past sexual choices, abuse and trauma.