Jared and I drifted apart in the months after our son Dillon was born. It wasn’t a subtle drifting, like rowboats that slipped their knots and meandered off to sea in the quiet of night.
We saw it. Felt it. Watched it happen. Each of us in a boat without paddles, our cupped hands pawing furiously at the water. Calling out with loud voices until exhaustion took over.
Our commitment to one another and to our marriage didn’t waiver.
But our connection did.
I learned that: exhausted + busy + baby + 2 different brains, jobs, feelings, and perspectives can sometimes = a tired, cranky, distant, lonely couple. For weeks I felt like we talked about things but neither of us was really heard. We’d leave a conversation—usually because at least one of us was falling asleep—happy that we talked, but without anything resolved.
Eventually, we found paddles again. We searched out ways to rebuild our connection and build new rhythms for our family of 3. That season taught me that a marriage needs maintenance.
It doesn’t take a huge event to chip away at our spousal connections. Nope, the routine tides of life and work have sufficient strength to leave us feeling disconnected. And sometimes, even more than a serious heart-to-heart, what we really need is a bit of fun. So, here are 7 fun ways to reconnect!
A joyful heart is good medicine! Find a way to laugh together, whether it’s watching a funny movie, going to a comedy show, or simply allowing yourselves to be silly together.
2. Learn something together
Take a cooking class, go to the shooting range, or conquer a DIY project. By finding something you can both enjoy learning together, you’ll form another commonality. This added common ground real estate is especially helpful if it feels like your days are spent in opposite worlds with different interests!
Find time to step away together and rest. A “chill day” you block off in the calendar, free from social gatherings or outside commitments. A movie marathon. Or even just 15 minutes at the close of the evening to sit and relax in a quiet part of your home.
4. Break routine
Plan an exotic trip to a foreign local, or to that new burger stop you’ve been wanting to check out down the street. Instead of going to your typical coffee shop, try a new one.
If an overpacked schedule is a pain point, pick something you can do without and play hooky together.
5. Tackle a problem as a team
Find something significant but relatively surface level that’s weighing on the both of you, and attack the issue together.
- Organize the garage
- Landscape the front yard
- Kon Mari your closet
- Work out together
- Plan a fun day for the kids
6. Do something that makes you feel sexy
Notice I’m not saying anything about having sex. Just do something that makes you feel sexy. Get a bolder lip color. Organize your underwear drawer so you can easily grab a matching set instead of an everyday bra and last season’s granny panties (not that I’d know). Put on makeup even if you’re not going to leave the house. You may be surprised at how these small acts can change your mood.
7. Speak his love language
The love languages Gary Chapman style are gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch. But tip #7 boils down to finding ways to demonstrate love to your man in ways that he will resonate with. By considering him in this way, you’ll also feel more connected.
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