The Craftsman worked carefully paying attention to the finest details. Securing the treasured pieces took time and intentional focus. He found pleasure in the process for he knew his care would match the beauty of the end result.
Crafting our marriages can be one of our greatest pleasures. It’s a challenge that requires our focused attention in the fine details. The pleasure in the end result is well worth our time and energy.
The glue that secures the treasure is trusting and being trustworthy. Look around the craftsman’s shop of your own marriage and check if you have the tools in place for strengthening and securing your relationship through trust.
In a marriage we can only manage ourselves. “I can only change me”. We can only work on our own trustworthiness. When one partner’s actions weaken the confidence in the marriage, then honesty, gentleness and joint resolve are essential to re-build and reinforce the weak areas.
Tool # 1 Trustworthiness is a choice.
When two people choose to build a life partnership, they are expressing a confidence in one another and a reliance upon each other to be trustworthy.
Are you acting in a manner that gives your partner confidence in your reliability to protect your partnership emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually?
Talk together about the places your confidence is strong in how you rely on one another in your marriage. Build on the foundational places where strength is evident and where you feel you and your partner are trustworthy.
Talk together about the places your confidence is weak in your marriage. Be kind. When one’s trustworthiness is questioned, either by ones’ self or one’s partner, it’s important to be gentle with each other. It’s also important to be honest with yourself. Sometimes our own insecurities and past filters need to be addressed; sometimes our perceptions of one another’s actions need to be checked as well. Be honest with each other on where you might be having difficulties being trustworthy. Sometimes it may be necessary to bring an impartial third voice to the table if the subject is a difficult one.
Tool # 2 Build a good defense around your marriage.
A defense is something that is built to resist and protect against attack.
A good defense around a marriage can be built when trustworthiness is the decision of each partner. This good defense will help guard your marriage and keep out those things that destroy trust.
When trustworthiness is compromised, the defense around the marriage crumbles and builds instead around the individual hearts. Defensiveness toward one another encourages attack and keeps out that which would strengthen your marriage.
Are there areas in your marriage that need defending right now?
In what area is self-defense beginning to build a wall between you?
Are there areas where you attack one another and destroy the marriage defense while creating a counter-productive need for self defense?
Tool # 3 Be honest about your own trustworthiness and your sense of trust in one another.
If an area in your marriage needs propping up right now, address it openly and talk about what you can do to rebuild and strengthen the weakened areas.
If the defense wall around your marriage has crumbled and the defenses have been built against each other, find Godly counsel and begin the journey to tear down the defense against one another, stop the attacks from within your marriage and re-construct the wall of protection around your relationship.
If trust in your partner, or your own trustworthiness has truly been broken know that it can be mended. There are many stories of healing and wholeness after brokenness. It takes time, it takes commitment and it often takes intervention. Include God in it as your source of strength. Ask for prayer. Reach for help. If you find yourself in an abusive or dangerous situation, get help quickly.
Talking about trust and trustworthiness can be a hard subject to tackle.
- Ask God to help you have a calm discussion.
- Use this article as a starting point.
- Discuss the areas of strength in your marriage.
- Thank your partner for the areas where you rest in his/her trustworthiness.
- Be honest about areas where you may feel insecure in your own or each others trustworthiness.
- Use the discussion as a tool to build the defenses around your marriage.
- Resist falling into self defense and defending against each other.
- If communication breaks down over one specific area, seek help from a safe and impartial third party.
- Defenses built between you only raise walls. Scale them while they are small.
- Defenses built around your marriage will keep you secure and build a strong, enduring, trustworthy relationship.
- Be committed together to get help when you need it.
Thank you that You desire for our home and our marriage to be a secure place of safety. We both desire for our marriage to be a strong haven where we can trust one another and be a trustworthy partner. Please help us to talk honestly, kindly and openly to one another. Help us both to be willing to engage in finding help if and when we cannot see the other’s position. Teach us how to grow our marriage with a strong defense around it. Help us not to build walls of self defense between us. We thank you for Your help and we pray this together in Jesus’ name, amen.