Want to know some simple tips for increasing sexual satisfaction? Figure out what your spouse likes (both in and out of the bedroom), make sex a priority, and make it about more than the physical act.

Learn your Spouse’s Sexual Needs

Many couples have a hard time describing exactly what they would like or what turns them on. Of course, anything you choose should be something that does not go against scripture (the marriage bed is for you two – no others), but many couples don’t know how to ask for some basic requests. Talk with your spouse about what turns you on. Describe the touches and kisses that you enjoy. Tell your spouse your favorite sexual position or how you would like sex to be initiated. Don’t demand. Just talk with one another about ways you might enhance your intimate time together. Then pick one of the things you’ve talked about and act on it!

Write “Have Sex” in your Day Planner

Often times, couples expect that sex just happens and if it isn’t happening something is horribly wrong with them or the relationship. The truth is we receive a distorted picture of relational intimacy from TV and movies. According to Hollywood, couples typically have an undeniable passion that causes them to set all else aside for their intimate times together. They don’t need a lot of foreplay, they don’t need a lot of time, and somehow, nothing ever seems to get in the way.

But, marriage is based in reality. There are schedules to worry about, jobs, kids, endless responsibilities. Having a passionate marriage means making alone time a priority. Don’t wait for “just the right moment.” Make time to make love!

Good Sex is About More than Mechanics

Some couples get so worked up trying to make sure the time is earth-shattering for one or both of them that they forget to really enjoy one another. They aim to please, but end up disappointed. This is partially because when “trying too hard” you can’t relax and enjoy the moment.

Keep in mind, good sex involves the whole person. It goes beyond the physical, including the mind, emotions, heart, and spirit. Scripture even tells us two become one. This means good, healthy, enjoyable sex is more than a physical act. And, while understanding the basic functions of the body and the importance of foreplay comes in handy, truly enjoyable sex happens when both partners can lose themselves in one another.

Blessings on you, your marriage, and your sex life!

Written by Dr. Jessica McCleese

Dr. Jessica McCleese

Dr. Jessica McCleese is a wife, a licensed psychologist, and a sexual educator with specialized training in sex therapy who works with Christian couples looking to improve their marriages and their sex lives using biblically-based principles. Jessica serves on the advisory board for Millennials for Marriage, is a sexual educator through the Christian Association of Sexual Educators, and a psychologist at an outpatient practice in Virginia Beach. She has a unique ability to connect with others and lead them through practical steps they can take to see improvements in their marriage and currently serves people internationally through her work at befullywell.com.