FamilyLife Blog

I’m a Married Man Struggling with Porn

by | May 20, 2020 | Marriage, Sex

It’s one thing to read all the stats about porn addiction and how many struggle with it, but the bottom line is, how do we deal with it personally? Then there’s that lingering question: am I addicted or just struggling? If you wonder where you are at with porn check out the assessments at: http://www.sexhelp.com/sast.cfm.

How do you deal with the struggle? It comes down to three things: triggers, pathways, and choices you make. Triggers at the things that get your brain thinking about porn. Pay attention to what happens just before you go looking for porn. Are you bored? Tired? Has there been a lack of sex with your wife? (Please be careful: this kind of excuse can put the blame on to her).

Next, look at the pathway you use to get the porn. How easy is it for you to get it? Boredom and tiredness are huge factors for why men turn to porn so deal with your typical pathways. Make it difficult to get to. Put Internet filters on your computer. Do whatever it takes during the times you don’t feel the urge so that you protect yourself when you do. Go to www.xxxchurch.com for help.

Here is the crux of the whole deal: now that you have observed your triggers and pathways, what choices do you make? What will you do to change? Gary Thomas issues a challenge that made me wonder if husbands have the guts to take it on. Here is his challenge: when you are tempted by pornography, do something to build your marriage by doing a service that honours your wife.

If you are thinking, “I can do that. No problem,” you may be fooling yourself. In fact, it is a struggle greater than men want to admit. For me, I have to admit I need strength that comes from outside of me. I make a request from Jesus. I need His power. Does it work? Oh yes, I dare you to try it.

Know your triggers and pathways. Deal with them or porn will slowly smother you and your relationships. If you are looking for some books check out: When Good Men are Tempted, Everyman’s Battle, Pure Eyes, Clean Heart and The Final Freedom.