Recently we upgraded our computers. We got rid of old files and added new features to make them more efficient. Frankly, it was a little scary, but now we love our more powerful computers. No way would we go back to the old programs.
Is your communication like our old computer programs? It works, but it could be better? Then our advice is this — upgrade it! And we do just that by learning new communication skills and retooling what we already know!
Upgrading communication energizes you marriage, but we need to be prepared for some surprises and new insights. We may discover that:
- Energizing communication is more than chatter. We all chit chat daily — from “How was your day?” to “Where’s the remote?” — but if that’s all we do, then we probably have a low-energy, low-fun marriage. When we upgrade our communication, we learn how to share our deeper feelings and have heart-to-heart talks that pull us closer together. So let’s start by telling our mate what we are really thinking and feeling.
- Energizing communication is non-confrontational. When we confront each other on the attack, we drain the energy from our relationship. Resist attacking each other or being defensive. Then it will be safe to talk and we’ll be more willing to share our true feelings with each other. We need to remember to start our sentences with “I” and let them reflect back on me. Avoid “Why” questions and “You” statements. They tend to be attacking and zap our energy — and the marriage.
- Energizing communication is companionate communication. Really listening and expressing how we really feel in specific yet positive words will help us become close companions and best friends.
Upgrading our communication skills can open new opportunities for growth and intimacy. As we’re in the process of learning new skills, remember to be honest, yet never unkind. We can be direct, yet positive. Remember, we’re developing healthy skills that will enrich the marriage through all our conversations in life.